i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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