Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
