mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
