Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
