i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
