the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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