Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
