I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
