Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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