The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
