when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
