sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
