I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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