So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
