I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
