oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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