He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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