my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm getting married
To pizza
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
