Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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