Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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