Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
