my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
