Define "chronic" masturbator.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
