mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
