fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want a musical about memes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
