I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize