I'm so fucking centered right now
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
