He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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