You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
