I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
