Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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