Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
