He kissed a someone with a penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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