I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
