i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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