I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
