You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
