Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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