he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
