i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
