i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
