I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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