I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
