I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
