you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
