The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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