Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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