apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
4 words: hood of his car
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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