it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
