fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
