how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
