Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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