I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
