What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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