She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
