ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found your dick twin last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
