OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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