So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
