i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
