Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
