There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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