Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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