she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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