He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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