when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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