how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
