Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
